52. Lullabies

“Russell you are a gift of God,

Russell you’re a miracle.

Russell you are our son and we love you,

Russell you’re a gift of God.”

As I hold our son in our arms, I string together this prayer / expression of mystery and find myself singing these lines over and over again.  I love fathering!  This is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

I know there are no guarantees that I get to, but somehow that just makes me want to embrace the moment even more.  Somehow, the heartache, the questions, the mystery of this journey don’t make me want shrink from more hurt but to embrace the journey.  I’m sure I will be tempted in the future to try to control things I can’t control, but I also know Father will be walking with this father, helping me to trust and love more fully, more like He does.

Russell Jr. starts to cry and I find myself stringing together the following song.

“You can tell me all about it,

You can tell me how you feel.

You can tell me all about it,

I’m your father I’m right here.

You can tell me when you’re happy,

You can tell me when your sad.

You can tell me all about it,

You can tell me I’m your dad.

You can tell me when your anxious,

You can tell me when at peace.

You can tell me all about it,

It will put your heart at ease.

You can tell me when your frightened,

You can tell me of your joys.

You can tell me all about it,

You can tell me you’re my boy.”

I’m not sure where this song came from, did I hear someone sing it to their kids once?  It seems so familiar.  Maybe, but then again maybe my spirit has been hearing if from another source for over a decade now.  As Russell Jr. quiets down and looks at my face I start again.

“We can tell Him all about it,

We can tell Him how we feel.

We can tell Him all about it,

He’s our Father, He is near.

We can tell Him when we’re happy,

We can tell Him when we’re sad.

We can tell Him all about it,

We can tell Him, He’s our Dad.

We can tell Him when we’re anxious,

We can tell Him when at peace.

We can tell Him all about it,

It will put our heart’s at ease.

We can tell Him when we’re frightened,

We can tell Him of our joys.

We can tell Him all about it,

We can tell Him we’re His boys.”

I can’t begin to tell you all what an encouragement it has been to be able to share this miracle journey we have been on with you.  Thank you for reading.  Remembering where we have come from has made our current joys so much sweeter and harder to take for granted.  I pray some of it has been an encouragement for you as well.

God bless,

Rusty