So I have really struggled with how to write this next part of this story. And to be honest I’m still not sure if I have the right balance to accurately share how deeply the events the day after the embryos became legally ours impacted me with ensuring that I am treating my friends, the Tallons, with respect and love. I have no desire to use their story to “sensationalize” this post and I’ve given them opportunity to read it before hand and asked for their permission to share. Though I’m tempted to wonder if even that is cruel and unloving …
The short, though no less brutal, version is that the planter, where we had signed the papers making us parents the night before, through a bizarre series of events, that planter fell over and killed their incredible daughter during the morning session the following day. I don’t feel to give any more details than that though I’d encourage you to learn about the joy and beauty that Beatrix brought into this world, as well as the public parts of Mike and Amanda’s grieving journey at their blog over here.
So many of us were praying for a miracle but didn’t see the miracle we were pounding on heaven’s doors for.
So many of us had our understanding shaken of what it means that God would “cover us with his wings” and “never let the children of the righteous beg for bread” .
Alexis and I had our confidence shaken that God would let us beat the statistics and allow both of the children that our hearts had already fallen in love with survive the thaw.
How does this work? There are so many stories of God’s miraculous protection, I can tell them from my own life … why this?
If He doesn’t promise what we thought He promises … what does He promise?
How does He actually show up in this journey?
In what perspective … what definition of “never going to let us down” do the other lyrics of “King of my heart” make sense?
I have some theories, some guesses, but I know I don’t have all these answers. I also know that there is no one I would rather have at my side walking through these mysteries than Jesus. And from my conversations with Mike since that day, I believe he’d say the same.