23. What if … ?

Somedays the “what if’s” of embryo adoption pour into my mind and try to affect my heart.

“What if they both survive like I’m praying for … will I really have enough energy to be a ‘good mom’ to twins in my my mid-forties and into my fifties?”

“What if one or both of them don’t make it?”

I know that it is never for nothing when we love with no visible positive outcome, I have lived long enough to have had to dwell on that a few times and press into God’s comfort and promises. He is faithful. I also know that this is not heaven yet, so I and you will still go through pain. However, our minds and bodies are not made in such a way to process pain that might be, but is not yet.

A quote from Corrie ten Boom has often come back to me through the years. Her father said to her in response question about what if they get caught rescuing Jews, “Corrie, when do we buy a train ticket?” (This was back in the days before internet.) “When we are getting ready to leave,” she responded. It always made me think that the grace, ability, and strength we need for whatever, will come right when I need it from God, but not necessarily before.


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